


Tears of an Angel

by Neartastic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Castiel, Feels, Gen, Hurt Castiel, POV Castiel, Season/Series 08 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 10:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/722272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neartastic/pseuds/Neartastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was based off of a Tumblr post shown to me by Brassmama. This Fic is for catharsis.</p></blockquote>





	1. Cover my Eyes

“Thank you both… for everything you’ve done…” and with that, Castiel gathered up Samandriel and teleported. He didn’t know where he was going, or why, exactly he was leaving Dean and Sam, but he had to. He knew had to take the other angel away…as if he were on autopilot.

“Very good, Castiel, now hand the traitor over.” That voice…The room he was in…he wiped the blood from his eye, he was very confused.

“Naomi?” He frowned, trying to remember Samandriel’s last words, as he stood with the dead angel in his arms. “That’s…your name right?”

Naomi sighed, but when she spoke, her voice was gentle. “Of course it is Castiel, now hand over the traitor, and we can have a little chat.” Cas looked down at the corpse, his eyes were wide with the fear he must have felt in his last moments. 

“Why is he dead? Samandriel was…good…wasn’t he?” He was so confused and his head hurt, he wasn’t supposed to hurt…angels didn’t hurt like this. He reached on of his arms up to his face, and wiped away blood. 

“Castiel, set Samandriel down.” Cas was staring at the blood on his hand, concern was overshadowed by confusion mixed with wonderment. “Castiel. I gave you an order.” Naomi’s voice snapped him back to the present, and he felt the weight of Samandriel in his arms once again. 

An order…yes…she had given him a task to do. Castiel let Samandriel fall to the floor. “Good, Castiel. Very good. Now, I need you to sit. You and I need to have a little…chat.” Cas thought there was a slight hesitation before she said chat, but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

He noticed Naomi watching him, scrutinizing something about him. Cas looked down at himself, he was covered in Samandriel’s blood, but that wasn’t his fault. What was she staring at? He looked at her, and opened his mouth. “Don’t speak Castiel. You have nothing to say that I want to hear. Sit. Now.”

She was angry. Castiel thought he should sit…and yet, for some reason he was afraid. “Don’t make me ask you again, Castiel. Sit.”

He moved stiffly over to one of the chairs and sat. “Good, Castiel. Very good.” Naomi was suddenly in front of him, Castiel tried not to flinch. She leaned close to him, resting her hands on the arms of his chair. “Now, Castiel I need you to close your eyes for me, okay?” 

He was very afraid now, but he didn’t want her to be angry…

“Very good Castiel.”


	2. Cover my Ears

Castiel opened his eyes with a groan. He was laying face down on a hard, uncomfortable surface. He turned his head to figure out where he was, and hopefully make sense of how he got there.

“Parking…lot?” He laid his head back down, it was all too confusing. He was lying in an empty parking lot, with no recollection of how he had gotten there, or why his head hurt so much. The last thing he remembered happening was Samandriel…but after that, it was just pain. 

He pulled himself up to his feet, a bit unsteady, it felt like he had been laying on that concrete for months, which made no sense. Cas needed help, there was something wrong…something that required professional help. But he felt low on power, as if his…battery was drained.

“Dean, I hope I can find you.”   
-  
He had a lot less power than he originally thought. He had barely made it to…wherever he was, and his landing left much to be desired. All he knew was that he was on a hard, but stable surface in a room that smelled like books. At least it wasn’t more concrete. 

There was no one in the room with him, but it didn’t take long until he heard yelling and footsteps. Cas hoped they were friendly footsteps, he didn’t have a fight in him.

“Cas? What the hell, man why are you on our table? Cas…? Hey, Cas” It was Dean. He found Dean. He tried to stand, tried to say hello, or whatever was customary these days, but he couldn’t, it hurt to move. Greeting Dean would have to wait. Getting off the table would definitely have to wait, in fact, everything was getting…fuzzy…Cas was fine with letting everything just…wait.  
-  
Cas opened his eyes to an unfamiliar place for the second time in one day. He turned his head slightly, he was in a room, and more importantly he was lying on a bed, a very comfortable bed. It felt like he was laying on a cloud, or something. Cas smiled, maybe Heaven had finally forgiven him, and let him back in…

Then he heard the low, unmistakable voice of Dean Winchester. He was torn between emotions. Obviously he wasn’t in Heaven, unless Dean had died again, but Cas didn’t want to get into that. But he was back with his friends, he was…

“They won’t keep you safe Castiel. Doing what I say will keep you safe. You need to trust me and listen to me. Everything I do, I do for you. I saved you from Purgatory, didn’t I? Now, take a seat, I have a new job for you…”

safe. He slid to the edge of the bed, and tested his balance; he was steadier than before, which was good. It was time to talk to Dean. It was time to get answers. 

It was time to ask for help.


	3. Tell Me These Words are a Lie

Cas made his way out of the cozy little room to find Dean. He could walk, but his head was killing him, he felt like he was being ripped in half. 

A woman’s voice in the back of his head kept telling him to leave, and that he wasn’t safe. Maybe it was a conscience, Cas frowned, he didn’t like the idea that he was growing a conscience, it would just get in the way.

He heard the low voices of Dean and Sam talking in the next room. He followed the voices, trying to piece together what was going on.

When he entered the room, it looked like a sort of dining area, the Winchesters fell silent. Sam found his voice first. “Cas, you’re awake! Please, come here and sit.”

Sam gestured to a chair across from him. Cas walked stiffly to the table and sat down. “What is this place? It doesn’t appear to be a seedy motel.”

“This is our…headquarters, of sorts.” Sam answered with a shrug. Cas looked over at Dean, wondering why he wasn’t saying anything.

His pained expression spoke volumes, he didn’t trust Cas. This saddened, but did not surprise the angel. 

“Dean, I…” Cas stopped, his first instinct was to tell Dean that it was okay that he didn’t trust Cas, because at the moment, Cas didn’t even trust Cas. He just didn’t know how to say that. “I need your help. Friends help friends…right?”

Dean sighed and wiped his face, one of his tells. A tell that was telling Cas that Dean was tired and stressed. “You’re not working with Crowley again, are you? Not going to go all…God on us right?” Cas shook his head, at least he didn’t think he was.

Dean nodded, satisfied. “So tell me, where have you been for the past few months, Cas? After we rescued Alfie…you disappeared again.”

Cas frowned, months? No, that wasn’t right. “Dean, what do you mean? The…incident with Samandriel was only a few days ago. You two sped out of there so quickly, it alarmed me. I only popped up to heaven to bring Samandriel’s body to them, and then I came right back.”

The brothers looked at each other, concern clouding their features. “Cas…Dean was right, it’s been months. After you killed Samandriel and your eye started bleeding, we got really worried, where have you been?”

The amount of time he’d been gone was one thing, time moves differently in heaven sometimes, but Sam had crossed a line. “Kill Samandriel? I didn’t kill him. Samandriel killed himself. Just because I have killed my brothers in the past does not mean that I would do it just because. Samandriel was broken, but he was…good. I wouldn’t kill him.” Cas shook his head sadly. ”Unfortunately Crowley pushed too hard, and Samandriel killed himself.”  
Sam shook his head, “No, Cas, I’m sorry, but that’s not what you told us. You said that Samandriel attacked you and you had to kill him.”

“They’re lying to you Castiel. They’re trying to make you the bad guy. They don’t trust you. Now find out what they know. Do as I tell you.” 

“Cas? Cas are you even listening to us? What is going on with you, man?” Dean was trying really well to hide it, but Cas knew better. Dean was freaking out inside, and it all seemed to be Cas’s fault.

“Dean…Sam…I… There’s something wrong, and I need you to fix it.” Cas watched with slight relief how quickly those words affected the boys. Proposing that they fix a problem gave them a purpose, something to focus on, their whole demeanor changed immediately.

“What is the problem? What exactly is going on here, Cas?”

“I really don’t know. Samandriel’s…death…is the last thing I remember. And since then I’ve had…aches. Aches that angels don’t normally have.”

Dean snorted, of course, using innuendo as a coping mechanism. Cas stifled a smile, Dean was regaining the attitude that Cas loved. The one he relied on. But this was serious; Cas had no time for references he didn’t quite understand.

“Angels don’t get headaches, Dean. And I’ve had a constant one for…a few months, I guess.”

“What does that mean, Cas/?”

The angel shook his head. “I don’t know…But I think it has something to do with Samandriel…Please tell me what…what happened.”

As the boys recounted that night, Cas slowly filled with a mixture of dread and confusion. “Wait. Samandriel…he…I remember. He told me something before…” Cas shook his head. “Before I killed him.” 

“Castiel, stop talking. You are not doing as I say. Go sit in that chair and we will fix this insubordination.”

Cas stared at Naomi, wide-eyed. “You…you’re the one causing the pain. Causing the confusion. You’re stealing my memories. You…you made me kill Samandriel. What else have I done for you, Naomi?”

“Castiel, sit down. Now.” Cas shook his head, and backed away.

His eyes were closed. Someone was shaking him and calling his name. It wasn’t Naomi…unless Naomi had turned into a man…Cas opened his eyes. He was on the floor, with the Winchesters leaning over him.  
“Cas, what the hell, man? It looked like you were having a seizure. What happened to you?”

“Naomi happened.”


	4. It Can't be True...

Dean bent down and hauled Cas up and into a chair. “Who the hell is Naomi, Cas?” 

The angel looked at him blankly. The hunter sometimes said stupid things, but Cas could usually work it out. “I…don’t know what you’re talking about, Dean.”

“Get out of my head. You…have no more control over me. I know who you are. I will find a way to destroy you.” 

Cas shook his head, the aching was back. “Naomi…she’s an angel. She…” Cas closed his eyes and regained his calm. “She is the reason I am out of Purgatory. But in exchange for my freedom, I have been under her control.”

Seeing their shocked expressions, and their hands automatically move to some sort of weapon, Cas backpedaled. “But, don’t worry. I have broken her hold on me. I know of her presence now, and can fight back.”

The Winchesters didn’t look convinced. “What do you mean you’ve been ‘under her control’? What exactly have you done?” Sam’s hand still hovered near his weapon.

“Well, I killed Samandriel, for starters. Naomi believed he had told Crowley important information relating to The Angel Tablet, and so he had to die.”

“Wait, there’s an Angel Tablet? Where is it?”

Cas sighed, “If I knew that, then Naomi wouldn’t have me searching for it. We have no leads. But I think that’s why I’m here, with you. I need your help.”

“We’re not helping you find the Angel Tablet for some psycho mind control bitch.” Dean had that look that he had years ago when he learned that Cas had been working with Crowley. It was not a good look.

“That’s not what I’m asking from you, Dean. Please, hear me out. This is the first time the three of us have been truly alone since we got out of Purgatory, and I…” Cas took a deep breath, “I have a plan. I just can’t do it alone.”

Dean and Sam took their seats across the table from Cas, and nodded at him to continue. This was Cas’s chance. His turn to show them that he was useful, that he was on their side.

“Naomi’s number one goal is the Angel Tablet. And so, we need to give her what she wants. If we get her to come here to get it, then we can ambush her and…well, kill her.” 

The brothers glanced at each other, their looks said it wasn’t a bad plan, but Cas could sense a ”but” coming. 

Sure enough…”Cas that’s a good start to a plan, but I have one big problem with it…We don’t have the Angel Tablet…”

“Dean’s right, Cas. We don’t have it and we don’t have any leads…that’s what you just told us.”

Cas smiled slightly. “That’s all part of the plan. We’ll give her something that resembles the tablet. She’ll never know what hit her. So, will you help me?”

The boys deliberated silently, carefully weighing out everything, and probably trying to decide if Cas could be trusted. That was fine, Cas could wait.

Finally they both nodded slightly. “Yes, Cas. We’ll do it. Now, what's the plan?”


	5. I'm losing you

The plan they laid out was simple, or that’s what he kept telling the Winchesters. The brothers weren’t quite buying it. But it was simple the plan only relied on Cas’s ability to lie...maybe it wasn’t so easy.

“Okay, let’s go over it one more time, Cas. You are going to do what?” They were standing at the table and Sam and Dean were staring at him. Cas took a deep breath.

“Step one; I am going to go up to heaven, to Naomi’s office. Step two; I am going to tell Naomi that she does not control me anymore.” He recited the first two steps in a monotone voice and in one breath. 

He inhaled deeply and continued, “Step three; I am going to tell her that you two found the angel tablet. Step four; I am going to offer her a trade. Step five; she accepts the trade. Step six; we kill her.” 

Dean nodded, satisfied. “Very good. Now, we’re going to have her meet us in this warehouse, it’s down the street from our hideout.” He slid a paper across the table towards Cas. “Tell her to meet us there in three days. Any questions?”

Cas picked up the paper and frowned. “It’s not a question exactly, but I have a concern…”

Dean frowned back, “Go on…”

“I don’t think this is a hideout. I think we should call it your hideyhole. I heard that term on the television the other day, and I think it’s more appropriate.”

They both gave Cas a blank look, which Cas interpreted as their lack of understanding. “I think it’s a hideyhole because we’re underground and that gives this structure a hole-like quality.”  
“Cas…”

“Do you not like hideyhole, Dean? We could…We could call it a lair! Or…is that too dubious? How about-“

“CAS! Stop. Are you going to go ahead with the plan or not?”

“Well, of course I am, why wouldn’t I?” He was confused; he was simply discussing proper naming conventions for their new home. Was that so bad?

“Then go.” Cas glanced over at Dean. He was annoyed.

So Cas did what he was told.

-

It wasn’t as hard as Cas thought it would be to find Naomi’s little slice of heaven, if that’s actually what it really was. 

Cas wasn’t entirely sure that she was in heaven. From what he could remember, it didn’t quite feel right to him. But that could have been the brainwashing.

Nevertheless he found the office-esque building and entered.

If Cas thought she would be surprised to see him, he was sorely mistaken. She hardly even looked up from her paperwork. “Hello, Castiel. You visit at last, please, sit down.”

He didn’t. He remembered, bits and pieces mostly, of the last time he was there and he definitely remembered that sitting in that chair was a bad idea.

Naomi frowned. “Alright then, down to business. What is it that you want, Castiel?”

Cas shifted his weight from foot to foot for a second, cleared his throat and swallowed. “I have come to make a deal with you Naomi.”

She raised an eyebrow, and looked genuinely intrigued. “A deal? What are you now, a filthy demon? I thought I…conditioned you to be better than that Castiel.”

He took a deep breath before answering. He wasn’t going to let Naomi bait him. “I will make this quick and simple for you Naomi. I have the angel tablet.”

She was up and in his face grabbing his shoulders before he could blink. “Give it to me Castiel. Right now.”

Cas pushed her away. “I will. But you must give me something in return. I would like you to relinquish your hold on me and on every other angel. Your mind controlling days are over.”  
Naomi laughed humorlessly. “What makes you think I am controlling any angel but you?” Castiel had spent a considerable amount of time with the Winchesters he understood the proper response to this question.

“Listen you bitch, if you don’t want the angel tablet, that’s fine. I’ll just take it and leave. Don’t fuck with me okay. I know you’re controlling the other angels, even if I don’t know why. Do we have a deal, or not?”

Naomi sat back down in her chair and let out a little sigh. “Fine Castiel, we have a deal. Now,” she held out her hand, “the tablet, please.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that simple, Naomi. I don’t have the tablet with me. You’re going to have to come down and get it.” He stepped forward and set a slip of paper on her desk. “Meet me here in three days and come alone.”

Naomi eyed the paper with an ever-growing frown. “If I come alone, you too, must leave your…pets at home.”

Castiel shook his head. “No, the Winchesters stay with me. It’s my job to protect them. I will see you in three days, Naomi.”  
-  
In the days before the meeting the boys kept themselves busy gathering weapons, eating a lot of cheeseburgers, and keeping any concerns they may have had inside.

When the day finally arrived Dean and Sam stood by the trunk of the Impala and took inventory. “Do you think we have enough—“

“Yeah, Dean we’re as prepared as we’re going to be…You don’t trust him, do you?” Sam looked into Dean’s eyes, not letting his older brother look away. “Well, do you, Dean?”

“Fuck, Sam, I don’t know. I want to. I do, but…He’s just so…” A whoosh interrupted his sentence. 

“Are we ready to go? It is time to meet Naomi. I have the fake angel tablet,” they had decided to use clay from the craft store, all places. It had been Sam’s job to sculpt it into what they remembered the Leviathan tablet to look like.

“Yeah, get in the back. I hope this little plan of yours pays off. I’m going to be straight with you, Cas. I’ll feel a hell of a lot better once I know for sure that that Naomi bitch is out of your head.”

Cas nodded somberly. “I feel the same way. I will feel better too once that bitch is out.” 

Dean rolled his eyes and climbed into the Impala. Sam followed suit. “You getting in, Cas?”

The angel shook his head. “I’ll meet you there. I have some final planning to do.”

Dean nodded reluctantly and drove off.

Cas was alone, standing in front of the Men of Letters bunker. She wasn’t still in his head. He would know if she was. So why didn’t Dean trust him. 

He gripped the fake tablet and nodded, “I will prove myself to you Dean.”  
-  
Cas inevitably got there first. Angel-power beats horsepower, always. He waited anxiously in front of the meeting spot, he would have gone in, but didn’t want to go in without Dean. He would never admit it, but Dean gave him courage.

Five agonizing minutes later, the Impala screeched to a stop in front of Cas. The Winchesters climbed out and moved immediately to the trunk to arm themselves.

“You got your sword, Cas?” The angel nodded, of course he did. He always did. Dean slammed the trunk. “Alright, well let’s get this show on the road.”  
-  
They entered the building single-file. Cas in front, with Sam taking up the rear. All three were tensed and ready for ambush.

“Dean, I do not sense Naomi yet. Maybe we should split up. Sam goes that way, and you and I go this way. We may have a better chance of her showing up if we’re not all three together…”

It wasn’t that Cas thought Dean couldn’t handle it himself, he just didn’t want Dean out of his sight. Dean was his charge, his responsibility. 

Dean glanced at his brother who just shrugged. “Sounds fine to me, just keep your phone on, okay? We’ll use them like walkie-talkies/” Dean nodded reluctantly and they split up.

Cas took the lead again, continuing their slow sweep of the building. All of his senses were on full-alert, it didn’t take long for him to feel something. “Dean! I got something!” he whispered excitedly.

He drew his knife and ran ahead, coming to a large empty room. There was nothing there. She must have teleported. Cas scratched his head and turned around slowly. “Never mind Dean, it was a false-“ He stopped, there she was, coming right for him.

“Naomi.” He swallowed hard and gripped his knife tightly. The way she was running at him, proved that she had figured out the plan. Maybe she had known from the beginning, Cas didn’t know. But he dropped all pretenses of negotiations and charged.

She was heavier than Cas would have thought. He pushed her arm away and tried to get a hit on her. She blocked and punched Cas in the jaw. 

His vessel’s adrenaline must have blocked the pain, for he felt nothing. But the blow must have hurt her, for she just stood there for a second cradling her hand, and staring. Naomi’s ensuing confusion gave him the chance he needed. He retaliated by stabbing her in the gut. She gasped and fell.

Cas stood over her smiling, she was dead…but…Cas stopped, why hadn’t her wings exploded, the way there were supposed to?

“Are you not dead, you bitch?” Cas yanked the blade out, causing warm blood to stain his coat. The blood it seemed…Cas shook his head and plunged the blade in again. Still no wings…

Cas looked around confused. Why wasn’t she dead? “Dean? Come here, I’m confused…She’s not dying Dean/” There was no answer. He looked down at Naomi and frowned.

“DEAN!” Cas turned, it was Sam. Maybe Sam knew where Dean was. “OH GOD, DEAN?” Sam was running toward him, Cas didn’t understand, this wasn’t Dean, it was Naomi. Unless…

Cas looked down once more and finally understood. “No. No, no, no. I…Dean…” He reached his hand out to stroke Dean’s face or heal him, he didn’t even know anymore, but all he felt was carpet.

“Where…Dean…No…” Cas looked up to a smiling Naomi. “You…Dean…I…No…”

Naomi touched him on the shoulder, still smiling. All the blood, Dean’s blood, was gone. “You’ve done well, Castiel. I’m so very proud of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off of a Tumblr post shown to me by Brassmama. This Fic is for catharsis.


End file.
